Infidelity (Continued)

DEALING WITH CHEATING

Instead of bringing about positive changes in marriage, the relationship would end in chaos. Learn to control your behavior. Negative responses can complicate the problem. Please tame your reaction, for example, your partner may heap blame on you to exculpate himself or herself because your behavior has shown that you do not have self-control. This is a common trend in women. Many women have lost their homes, marriages, families and lives as a result of negative reactions. Do not retaliate. Revenge is a common answer. Nobody has a monopoly on revenge.

Vengeful tactics include engaging in immorality to show your unfaithful spouse what it feels like to be betrayed, or go to their workplace or the home of the adulterer to cause a scene and so on. This will only aggravate your own stupidity. Any effort of vengeance is doomed to failure. Returning evil for evil just makes the other person feel less guilty and encouraged him to return fire for fire. Before taking such action, think of the many years of your investment in marriage and the effects of your behavior and also the fate of your children. Ask yourself, "What do I stand to gain?" or "What are the likely effects of this type of behavior on my relationship later”. Instead, why not seek advice from people with knowledge? After the first wave of shock, grief and anger, the most productive things you can do is to find the wisdom of a counselor or spiritual leader. If your spouse is not willing to go, then go alone.

It is more likely to make wise decisions if you receive help from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation. Remember, the decision made in anger or under emotional shock can lead to a major crisis.
Keep in mind that the purpose of counseling is not just for you and your spouse to be under the same roof or make you believe that it never happened. The essence of the guidance is to enable one forget past failures of others, to establish a new model of relationship among themselves inorder to live a purposeful life and also work together. Do not think your marriage can not be restored. Your marriage may indeed be redeemed. While all sins can be forgiven, it must be noted that the road to true reconciliation is genuine repentance. Your spouse must be willing to sever all contacts with the intruder and devote his/her efforts to rebuilding your marriage.

Help the other party to regain trust, reconciliation involves both taking honest look at what led to the sexual infidelity in question. The goal is not to trade blame, but to look at the dynamics of your marriage and discover what you and your partner need to change. It takes two to make a mistake in marriage. Confidence will not return overnight. Trust grows as your spouse now chooses to be trustworthy. If he or she sincerely wants to rebuild trust, openness and commitment can help the confidence-building. Reconciliation after sexual infidelity is neither easy nor fast. However, many will agree with a couple who said: "Although it was painful and took the time to heal, God refined our hearts.

Today, every time they go to pick their children from school after school hours, they look at each other and smile, thanking God not to have given up on their marriage. "
Honestly, there is hope for your marriage, if we are willing to unite as one and learn to forgive past mistakes no matter how painful.

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